After the weekend I started thinking more and more about what all could have happened if Lotte would’t have been there or at least (after the GHB) lost me for just a single moment..
In the worst circumstances ever, she was there for me..
We already drank some glasses alcohol at my place and next to that I got an overdose GHB, which is a very lethal combination.
She took care of me and altough she, at the first place didn’t even know it was GHB, handled seriously.
Within the use of this drugs, the least worse scenario occured, thanks to her.
Last two days I’ve been really dozy and chaotic (also clumsy and constantly forgetting stuff), but I’ve been trying to ignore it as much as possible and act normal. Somehow a few things go uncunsious like the slothful look of my eyes, our ordinary stuff I simply forget.
At school teachers say that they never saw me more tired than this and they spontaneously get me coffee or hot chocolate, or they want to start a serious talk with me weather there’s something wrong.
For example, the first two periods of today I had art lessons, we had to present some stuff, but like every 10 minutes the teacher came to me to ask what was wrong with me/ why I wasn’t acting like my normal self/ if I didn’t had any sleep the other night etc.
I decided to tell one teacher what happened, she first made a joke to say that I looked more dozy today than the time I was on Codeine-medication, but then she took me apart and wanted to talk. She’s one of my favourite teachers and took everything serious.
I didn’t tell much people about it as I didn’t want it to reach the gossiping people (it someday will, but I don't like all kind off stories when I’m in the state I’m in now). I have the feeling that I’m floating around through the air, at least not being with two feet on the ground, just as in the videoclip of Royksopp
What bothers me is that I did some really embaressing things that night which people of my school saw (but from what I heard is that they tought I was drunk) and what bothers me even more is the things I’ve said during my hallucination. And especially the fact that the person who put this GHB in my drink probably lives close to me, since we were clubbing close to my home..
17/11/10, 02:09
Great, can’t get no sleep.. My head is to full of nonsense-stuff..
17/11/10, 06:13 Now I’m starting my breakfast. I didn’t sleep at all last night.. I just couldn’t and when I did for a little while I had a nightmare. Also at 3:30 someone called me, I was half awake/ half sleeping, and I noticed that that person had made use of my voicemail. I remember (a bit vaguely) I listened to it in the middle of the night and I found it really creapy. So I just listened to it again and it sounds like four minutes of (heavy) marching through stones with sometimes a weird noise in it?
Fortunately the number wasn’t anonymous and I found out it was Joachim. Joachim is a boy Lotte and I met at a musicfestival this summer. He’s very talented in playing guitar, but depression took over his life and it’s really sad to see in what state he’s in.. There is so much he could do, also with his talent, there’s really a lot of beauty inside, but because of the depression all what’s inside doesn’t come out. Anyway, I find my voicemail a bit creapy so I’m gonna call him right now.. Hope he picks up otherwise his voicemail is going to be the sound of boiling eggs :p (which I’m doing right now).
-calling-
Okey that was really weird.. He did pick up his phone, he was in a train from Nijmegen back to his hometown Rotterdam. Over the night he had been to a concert in Nijmegen. I asked him about the voicemail, he told me everything except the answer… He sounded a bit vague and told me about Germans, about the train not going back and he had to find a sleeping place, about his school starting in the afternoon. Then I asked again, but he really can’t remember he says….
