MESSAGE FROM GOD

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Hello World!

It’s been so long since I blogged that I feel like I have to introduce myself again.
But I’m not going to (:

I’d like to tell you why I haven’t been around the internet a lot, but it’s personal, and since our blog is no longer anonymous, I’ll just say that things haven’t been going too well.
I didn’t feel like being in contact with anyone, and sort of isolated myself for a few weeks.

But things are going a little better, and I thought I’d update everyone on some things.

First of all, I’m trying this new medication called Venlafaxine Retard. What a name.
Its a stronger version of prozac, which should help me be a little happier soon.
But when you first start taking them, you’ll feel worse for a few weeks.
And thats the phase i’m going through as we speak.

I’m suffering from really annoying headaches, dizzyness and exhaustion.
Every little thing feels like a huge efford.
I feel lazy and boring, but know that I just have to get through this.

Today is a grey day. It’s cold, cloudy, and rain is falling.
I never saw this sort of rain. It’s not frozen to snow, but it isn’t water either.
It sounds and feels like sand falling down.

I’m waiting for Ali, a friend of Tayfun and me.
He’s coming over to drop off some pictures I made at a party he organised, to edit them and put the logo in them. I’ll post them later.

He was supposed to be here around 12, but it’s 13:12 already, so I’m wondering if he’s gonna make it at all.

Gosh, I don’t even know where to begin with updating.
I have so much to tell you, about NYE, about random things I ran into, about dreams I had…

I feel that the thing that I need to shake out of my fingers the most, is Faith.

I tried to sort everything out meself the last couple of years, without interferance from above.  A few days ago, I started praying. I was desperate and emotional, and tried to picture my life. I started off thanking Him for all the blessing in my life, and ended up in tears, because I just can’t seem to get all it together. I’ve lost controll of so much things.
So I tried to imagine my life as an ocean, me being a ship. I could see myself behind the wheel, driving it up against the rocks. Scared, but also too tired to try to turn the wheel. I prayed for help, wanting strenght to be able to turn the wheel myself. But then I felt like I needed to step down, and get away from the intire wheel. Like I just needed to sit down comfortably and relax. God took over, and the wheel started turning with a huge force, driving it away from the cliffs it was heading for. I could see this all clearly. I thought I was imagining it all, and tried to imagine the ship sailing to a safe harbour, a beautifull island with a setting sun and palmtrees. But I couldn’t.. controll the things I saw, and in stead of what I imagined, the ship lifted up from the water, glowing bright. It lifted up, and headed for the sky. The sky was a darkblue/purple colour, filled with more stars than I could have imagined.
It floated through the stars and was completely free.

I told Him I would let Him do the sailing from now on.
And though I’m tired, I feel so much better since.

Beauty and Optimism get the best of me

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams. For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it. For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it. For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.”

“Beauty is how you feel inside, and it reflects in your eyes. It is not something physical.”
“Beauty is unbearable, drives us to despair, offering us for a minute the glimpse of an eternity that we should like to stretch out over the whole of time.”

“Beauty is not caused. It is.”