Soulgarden

SOULGARDEN

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my love; tayfun

eveline, me and daisy

me / tay

me, a little drunk haha

I cut my hair btw.. :)

Rollercoaster

I sort of quit smoking.

I had one cigarette in the last 5 days.
I’m really agressive, emotional, hyperactive, i keep pinching myself, laughing hysterically, throwing around things in anger, and i’m scaring everyone away.
my boyfriend dumped me at my parents place yesterday so they could deal with me. and my parents are driving me to my own appartment in rotterdam now, cause they want me and my fits gone. i feel so loved!
and i feel like i have the tourettes syndrome, that my smoking has covered up all this time. i feel like shouting something every few minutes.
i really have to try to relax.

 

TIRED

Yesterday was a busy day. Which is intense after a short nights sleep.
Slept from 5 ’till somewhere later in the morning, and woke up in a rush, cause I had a photoshoot to do with Ty. After that we went to a vintage store, and from there straight back to Ty’s parents place for dinner. My roommate was having a party, so Ty took me to a fancy hotel last night.  We couldn’t get enough of the facilities, so not much sleep either. Checked out this morning after too much breakfast, and headed to my appartment to get some actual sleep. Once we got there, the intire place was filled with sleeping guys. Including my bed, where a twin was laying and smelling like booze. So we went to Ty’s place, and I’m finallyyy in a bed now. Its so soft and beautiful. I love beds.

I have lots of pictures from yesterday, but I forgot my olympus charger, so i’ll upload them later, and add some internet photo’s of our hotel.

I LOVE big bathtubs.. and hotel breakfastbuffets! 

It was wonderfull. I should be happy and excited, but i’m a little worried today. I got a call from Marit’s parents, asking me if I had any idea where she was. But the last time I saw her was thursday in Utrecht. I did know she was going to this party on friday with friends, and that she expected it to be a crazy night. Appearantly she never came home, and her parents can’t reach her… I just called to her house and her cellphone again, but no-one is answering. I hope it’s all nothing, and that they’re just out doing something, but somewhere I have a bad feeling.
So Marit, IF you read this.. CALL ME NOW!! I left you a facebook message aswell, and by the number of missed calls you’ll surely understand to contact me asap. I’m going grey here.

Me and Marit 

Ha!

bought another camera.
i’ve been testing it all day annoying the crap out of everybody with it.  it films well and the pictures are better than i expected. the reason i bought it was because i’ve been needing a small digital camera for a while now, not too valuable so i can take it with me everywhere i go. a party/concert/travell/random camera, that i dont need to be careful with. I’m always scared while partying that someone will steal it, or that i will lose it or give it away in my drunk state. but that wouldnt really matter in this case. so i love it!

this is the one.

And more news; Ty bought tickets to the Family of the Year concert for valentinesday! it’s on the 14th (obviously) in Amsterdam. I love that band ever since he introduced them to me. They’re a new upcoming indie rock band from LA.

Yayyy

and yes, in this picture he was annoyed by my constant flashes in his face all day.
he compared me to a kid with a new toy haha.

 

some pictures: tyday&night

Ty

Ty & Me

Me

Me

Lovely

Woke up by Ty kissing me goodbye. Fell asleep again.
After that by my roommate, who crawled into my bed to wake me up. 
I wanted him to leave, so I told him I had crazy sex last night the very spot he was laying in. He ran off to the shower. I got out of bed, with my bedsheets with me, and sat down on the balcony in the sun. I smoked a sigarette and had some coffee in the sun, and almost fell asleep again, because it was really nice and warm outside.

Good start (:

nightynight.

It’s hard to stop blogging and facebooking once’s you have acces to a laptop AND internet after not having any for weeks. But since it’s getting late, and i’ve got to get up early tomorrow, AND expecting a phonecall from someone amazing, this will be my last post for the day.

I’m sitting on the couth in my livingroom. Just watched a movie with my roommate, and i’m eating all the leftovers from the lays chips and chocolate we  piled up next to us.

I thought i’d be gaining weight like crazy by eating so badly, but appearantly i’m living in a psycho universe, cause i’m losing weight. While eating letterly everything.

I stopped smoking. That’s why i keep grabbing food.
Or atleast, i’m telling myself I stopped. Which means I only smoke two sigarettes a day now. Sometimes one. Or none. Or 5. It’s still a bit of a rollercoaster really. It comes and goes, my nicotine cravings. Like waves. And some waves are just unavoidable. I can run, and drown in furiousity, or just grab a sigarette and surf it in my pantyho’s.

Yeah, I decided to wear pantyho’s today. I never wear them, cause I somehow always mess them up. But i’m getting better at it! I only made two wholes and one ladder. And I was already indoors by the time it started showing above my boots! I feel like tearing it up completely and wear it again tomorrow. I kind of like messed up pantyho’s.

But, enough about waves and pantyho’s.
My lover of all lovers is on skype atm and i’m going to stop blogging and start staring at his lovely everything. Cause how can I not love to love looking and talking to my love? And describing it without using the word love too much?

*update*

going to bed now. just skyped the intire night and can’t keep my eyes open.

Me, a drawing and Tayfun :)