BEEP. Once you look.. it grabs hold. This will be a random blog. Maybe the most random blog ever. Filled with nonsense. Lots of nonsense not related to anything, but the truth will find YOU. Draft. Draft is a funny word. It sounds like someone riding through a puddle of mud. DRAFT!  I was a dancer all along. Words can never make up for what you do. Beep says my phone again. Loud. Way too loud. The sound pierces through my ears. The sound is so horrible that it makes me think about throwing my phone away sailing away running and flying like clowns on a clamstick. Black swan is overrated, though I can’t imagine ever having missed you like blue valentine. I hope that when you read this you have had a hell of a lot more experience in operating and are no longer be at junior level my best friend’s wife with his best man. If you can count your money, than you don’t have a billion. My roommate keeps arguing with his boyfriend about a party he wanted to go to. Rootbeer is a little weird, but kind of good. Constantly thinking about you. What’s for dessert guys? We are all beautiful. Oh my god this arguing is getting out of hand. I just keep staring at my keyboard. Or my guitar. Or at the Puma socks Stef is wearing. He’s trying to make up for his mistake but regardless. It’s amazing how he doesn’t know how to handle him. Whispering and petting him makes him even more annoyed. My scarf is pretty. I should wear it. I will. I’ve put on my beautiful scarf . Dit is in het nederlands geschreven. Just keep walking. She’s got a love like WOW. This is the worst song by Lykke Li ever. My love will come my love will come alongggg. Shut up, whiner. I’m in the mood for some wine. Nodding my head like johnny, Moving my hips like albert at a party in the USA. Why is that man hugging himself? This playlist should be buried deep. DEEP. I guess I never got the memo. I’ve dyed my hair just now into a pretty light blonde colour. I was happy with it ’till my roommate’s bf compared me to britney. Beep there goes my phone again, I GET IT, i’ve got a missed call. I’m very unhappy now. I need my dessert. Is it chocolate? Is it rihanna? Nothing is more fulfilling than helping another human being out when they need it the most. I’ll make them make up. One thing is for sure, I am not who I was then. In fact, I am not who I was last year or the year before that. Because you make me feel like i’m the only girl in the worldddd. The final countdown. And now we drink. Feathers around my neck, spots on my shirt. I look like a hairy pink bubblegumbubble. Where are you? I know blogging has pretty much gone out of style these days, but I never meant for this to be stylish. Remind me how chaotic my thoughts are. Mix a little foolishness with turquoise. Nacho’s are exciting but sharp. Joshua keeps nodding. I can’t keep my mind off the chocolate. www.aanwezig.nu, he can’t think of the name, but i do know. Cause Marit kept looking for her carkeys, but she didn’t have any carkeys or a car. So it doesnt make sense at all, like it once did. I’m doing all kinds of all kinds of different things now now. I’ll fix this, really. This music sucks, but it’s fine by me cause she’s got snacks and cherrybeer like a rose. Nothing will ever be making sense right now. Or in a few hours. Or yesterday, all my troubles seem so far away. Like my bunny called panncakes, who I intended to buy once. He’s in my class.  It might be a deflated pear under a bridge, or a stranded deflated whale. A few more personal things I could’ve documented here, but I’d rather leave them out of the public arena. It’s morning already. Have to run now.

Hello World!

It’s been so long since I blogged that I feel like I have to introduce myself again.
But I’m not going to (:

I’d like to tell you why I haven’t been around the internet a lot, but it’s personal, and since our blog is no longer anonymous, I’ll just say that things haven’t been going too well.
I didn’t feel like being in contact with anyone, and sort of isolated myself for a few weeks.

But things are going a little better, and I thought I’d update everyone on some things.

First of all, I’m trying this new medication called Venlafaxine Retard. What a name.
Its a stronger version of prozac, which should help me be a little happier soon.
But when you first start taking them, you’ll feel worse for a few weeks.
And thats the phase i’m going through as we speak.

I’m suffering from really annoying headaches, dizzyness and exhaustion.
Every little thing feels like a huge efford.
I feel lazy and boring, but know that I just have to get through this.

Today is a grey day. It’s cold, cloudy, and rain is falling.
I never saw this sort of rain. It’s not frozen to snow, but it isn’t water either.
It sounds and feels like sand falling down.

I’m waiting for Ali, a friend of Tayfun and me.
He’s coming over to drop off some pictures I made at a party he organised, to edit them and put the logo in them. I’ll post them later.

He was supposed to be here around 12, but it’s 13:12 already, so I’m wondering if he’s gonna make it at all.

Gosh, I don’t even know where to begin with updating.
I have so much to tell you, about NYE, about random things I ran into, about dreams I had…

I feel that the thing that I need to shake out of my fingers the most, is Faith.

I tried to sort everything out meself the last couple of years, without interferance from above.  A few days ago, I started praying. I was desperate and emotional, and tried to picture my life. I started off thanking Him for all the blessing in my life, and ended up in tears, because I just can’t seem to get all it together. I’ve lost controll of so much things.
So I tried to imagine my life as an ocean, me being a ship. I could see myself behind the wheel, driving it up against the rocks. Scared, but also too tired to try to turn the wheel. I prayed for help, wanting strenght to be able to turn the wheel myself. But then I felt like I needed to step down, and get away from the intire wheel. Like I just needed to sit down comfortably and relax. God took over, and the wheel started turning with a huge force, driving it away from the cliffs it was heading for. I could see this all clearly. I thought I was imagining it all, and tried to imagine the ship sailing to a safe harbour, a beautifull island with a setting sun and palmtrees. But I couldn’t.. controll the things I saw, and in stead of what I imagined, the ship lifted up from the water, glowing bright. It lifted up, and headed for the sky. The sky was a darkblue/purple colour, filled with more stars than I could have imagined.
It floated through the stars and was completely free.

I told Him I would let Him do the sailing from now on.
And though I’m tired, I feel so much better since.