It’s been so long since I blogged that I feel like I have to introduce myself again.
But I’m not going to (:
I’d like to tell you why I haven’t been around the internet a lot, but it’s personal, and since our blog is no longer anonymous, I’ll just say that things haven’t been going too well.
I didn’t feel like being in contact with anyone, and sort of isolated myself for a few weeks.
But things are going a little better, and I thought I’d update everyone on some things.
First of all, I’m trying this new medication called Venlafaxine Retard. What a name.
Its a stronger version of prozac, which should help me be a little happier soon.
But when you first start taking them, you’ll feel worse for a few weeks.
And thats the phase i’m going through as we speak.
I’m suffering from really annoying headaches, dizzyness and exhaustion.
Every little thing feels like a huge efford.
I feel lazy and boring, but know that I just have to get through this.
Today is a grey day. It’s cold, cloudy, and rain is falling.
I never saw this sort of rain. It’s not frozen to snow, but it isn’t water either.
It sounds and feels like sand falling down.
I’m waiting for Ali, a friend of Tayfun and me.
He’s coming over to drop off some pictures I made at a party he organised, to edit them and put the logo in them. I’ll post them later.
He was supposed to be here around 12, but it’s 13:12 already, so I’m wondering if he’s gonna make it at all.
Gosh, I don’t even know where to begin with updating.
I have so much to tell you, about NYE, about random things I ran into, about dreams I had…
I feel that the thing that I need to shake out of my fingers the most, is Faith.
I tried to sort everything out meself the last couple of years, without interferance from above.  A few days ago, I started praying. I was desperate and emotional, and tried to picture my life. I started off thanking Him for all the blessing in my life, and ended up in tears, because I just can’t seem to get all it together. I’ve lost controll of so much things.
So I tried to imagine my life as an ocean, me being a ship. I could see myself behind the wheel, driving it up against the rocks. Scared, but also too tired to try to turn the wheel. I prayed for help, wanting strenght to be able to turn the wheel myself. But then I felt like I needed to step down, and get away from the intire wheel. Like I just needed to sit down comfortably and relax. God took over, and the wheel started turning with a huge force, driving it away from the cliffs it was heading for. I could see this all clearly. I thought I was imagining it all, and tried to imagine the ship sailing to a safe harbour, a beautifull island with a setting sun and palmtrees. But I couldn’t.. controll the things I saw, and in stead of what I imagined, the ship lifted up from the water, glowing bright. It lifted up, and headed for the sky. The sky was a darkblue/purple colour, filled with more stars than I could have imagined.
It floated through the stars and was completely free.
I told Him I would let Him do the sailing from now on.
And though I’m tired, I feel so much better since.