I was wrong.
The second I was covered by sheets, my energy activated.
My body is tired, but my mind is at full speed.
I wish I was immune to feelings, but being a borderliner makes it hard to shut down emotions.
It’s really hard to feel such intense insecurity, pain, doubts, and more, while you know its not realistic to feel that way.
I know I aimed to high when we started dating. I’ll name him Javi for ease.
I know he already had his fun, and is trying to let me down gently.
And I would love, LOVE, to think: So? I had my fun aswell. Moving on!
But I can’t. All I want is for him to call me and comfort me.
A DJ asked me out today named Ty. He also studies arts, he’s 23, and pretty darn attractive.
We met last weekend in a club.
I said yes, without thinking, because I was upset about Javi, and mad at him.
We exchanged numbers, and were going out in a few days.
I quess I should be excited about that, but i’m in no mood of forcing smiles.
Its easy for me to get myself excited about things, but its always in the bad way.
Right now I could get excited about getting really drunk, high, dance, and lose myself in distractions.
That would really excite me.
And I can. Its only a phonecall away.
But I have to stop my selfdestructive behavior.
I’ll try to calm down a little, listen some music, and try to get some sleep.
Gotta get up early…