I woke up today, by my mom who kept shouting: LOTTE!!! Get up!!!
I seriously HATE her voice in the morning.
It makes me wanna break windows.
Why the hell would I wanna be awake so early?
I think I need a new name. One that’s not all worn out from being called so much.
So slowly I got up, hating myself for accepting their offer to stay with my parents for a while. And without thinking, I start looking for my pack of sigarettes. I’m always craving for nicotine in the morning, more than any part of the day.
And I suddenly remember that I quit smoking. So dad will buy me a laptop.
It was hell.
Stuck with a nicotinelack, my mom and her voice in one house. Dear Lord. We got in a huge fight.

 She shouted she was gonna take me back to Rotterdam first thing tomorrow. And I shouted that she didn’t have to bother, cause I was already packing. As usual, it started about nothing and ended with me slamming doors, leaving, and my mom following me, apologising just to make ME apologise aswell.
I really feel like typing this intire blog full of things that seriously BUG me about her. I’d rather say hate, and type my frustrations out, but I don’t want her to ever read this, and feel hurt by it. So i’ll just cope. And focuss on better things.
So, let me think.. What was good about this day?
The food I just cooked was really really good.
The sigarette I secretly smoked was even better.
I look pretty good today, though it’s pointless
because I have no plans today and no one will see me.
I found a 10 euro bill on our driveway.
That was about it.
You know what?
I won’t accept. I’m refusing to let this be a sucky day aswell. I’m going to get chocolate and movies and SIGARETTES MUAHAHA no I can’t. And bake cookiesss and I’m calling Ty for a lovely night! Save the day!